I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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