Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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