i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
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