The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
