This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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