went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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