I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
