high people should be assigned attendants
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
