remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
