So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
