i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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