Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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