There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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