Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
