i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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