Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
