so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
