Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
