He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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