I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Randomize