I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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