woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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