this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I am one with the molecules
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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