Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize