i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
