That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Ladies don't puke and tell
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
