Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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