Yo dont text me then not text me
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Randomize
