I bet he comes in French.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
