Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
do herpes really smell.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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