got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize