i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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