She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
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