OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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