FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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