Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
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