Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
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