I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
