woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
