Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize