handjob tips. give me some.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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