Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
