R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
