She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
