I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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