the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
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