Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
