Have you finally orgasmed yet?
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
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