you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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