Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
