Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
