They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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