so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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