These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
