I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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