She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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