i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I need a beard to bite.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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