I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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