benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
What a dumb baby whore.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
