My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Randomize