omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
